
Author 



cus,E5.33ii 
copy 2 



Title 



Imprint 



lOlfflG NEW-YORK; 



COMEDY T HEEE ACTS. 



ED: ii. P. WILKINS, 

Author of "My Wife's Mirror.' 



■-S i#> m * 



-FTiODTJCED AT LAURA KEEN.E'S THEATRE, NF^ 7oRK, 
MONDAY EVENING, NOV 24 



NEW YORK: 

JOHN PERRY, 3 90 BROADWAY, 

JPRICE,] [12i CENTS. 



y 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 



COMEDY, IN THREE ACTS 



BY 



ED: G. P. WILKINS, 

AUTHOR OF "MY Wife's MIRRO 



AS PRODUCED AT LAURA KEENE S THEATRE, NEW YORK, MON- 
DAY EVENING, NOV. 24, 1856. 



Entered according to Act of Congress in the Year One Thousand Klght Hnndred and Fifty-Six, by E. O. P 
in the Clerk'. Office of the District court of the United States for the Southern District of Hew' York, 



NEW YORK: 
JOHN PERRY, 3 90 BROADWAY 



P5 



3 V^ 



<£nst of tije Characters. — (Young New YorkT) ^cf^ 

Mr. Ten-per-ccnt, pater familias, a retired Merchant, addicted to 
note-shaving, kite-flying, anxious to represent this ungrateful 
republic in Congress, afflicted with a fast and fashionable 
■wife , Mr. Burnett 

Mr. Adolphus Washington Ten-per-ccnt, son of his father, the fore- 
going, addicted to billiards, brandy and water, and the corps 
de ballet Mr. George Jordan 

Mr. Airy Froth, A. B., addicted to romancing, vulgarly called 
blowing ; distinguished for having no affairs of his own, and 
paying the most profound attention to those of other people ; 
ex-politician, ex-diplomatist, ex-musical agent, ex-journalist, 
ex-artist Mr. T. B. Johnston 

Mr. Ncedham Crawl, addicted to Bible Societies, Religious Anni- 
versaries, Christian Associations, Oxford prayer books and 
two per cent, per month ; with one eye in Wall street, and 
the other on Grace Church Mr. Stoddart 

Mr. Nutgalls, Editor of the " Daily Scorcher," addicted to saying 

unpleasant things in the wrong place Mr. C. Wheatleigh 

Signor Patrici Skibbcrini, a noble Roman, originally from Galway, 
first Tenor at the Italian Opera ; addicted to $1,500 per 
month Mr. Lingham 

Mrs. Tcn-per-cent, addicted to fashionable society, and four parties 

a week • Mrs. H. P. Grattan 

Miss Rose Ten-per-cent, daughter of the foregoing, a flower, just 
cut from the bush, at Springier Institute ; addicted to driving 
three-minute horses, sherry-cobblers, the German and Skib- 
berini Miss Laura Keene 

Miss Cerulia Sawin. from Boston, Massachusetts, highly intel- 
lectual ; addicted to Ralph Waldo Emerson, Professor 
Agassiz, astronomical observations, conic sections and pri- 
mary formations, Miss Josephine Manners 

Jane, a Domestic, Miss Gray 



PROGRAMME OF SCENERY AND INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — The United States Hotel, Saratoga Springs. — The first Hop of 
the Season — " I'm Dying for a Cobbler :" Exciting Brush on the Lake 
Road ; The German ; A little bit of Lecturing and Love Making ; Sud- 
den appearance of Young New York — I'll Sumnerize you I Adjourn- 
ment to the Clifton House. — Tableau ! 

Act II. — Mr. Ten Per Cent's Basement — slightly subterranean, but 
very nice; A Grand Family Row ; Remarkable Evidence of Spunk on 
the part of Young New York ; A Thrilling Scene with a Denouement 
that any body might have expected. 

Act III., Scene I.— Editorial Rooms of the Scorcher, not intended for 
any New York Papers ; Description of a Great Western Actress. 

Scene 2. — The Tenant House ; Young New York under a Cloud, but 
Gay as a Lark ; A Bran New Novel, copyright secured ; Mr. Ten Per 
Cent reads the Afternoon Papers. Scene 4. — The Green Room of (he 
Academy of Music ; Debut of the New Singer ; Finale to Cinderella, 
" Now with Grief no longer Bending." — Conclusion. 
Time of Representation., Two Hours. 



(Eostumcs. — (Young New York.) 

MR. TEN-PER-CENT— First Act— Light Summer Dress— Second and 
Third Acts, Black Suit, rather seedy. 

MR. CRAWL — Black Suit, White Cravat, no beard or moustache. 

MR. FROTH— First Act— Fashionable Summer Promenade— Third 
Act, Black suit. 

MR. NUTGALLS— Fashionable Promenade. 

MR. WASHINGTON TEN-PER-CENT— First Act— White Panta- 
loons, light loose Coat, white Waistcoat, very broad Watch Ribbon, 
low cut patent leather Shoes, no whiskers and a slight moustache. — 
Second Act — Fashionable Promenade, very long loose Coat, light 
Trousers, outre hat, Boots. — Third Act — Seedy thin Coat, spotted 
with ink, no Waistcoat, Slippers, seedy Trousers — Fourth Act — 
Evening Dress. 

MR. SKIBBERINI— First Act— Full Ball Dress— Second Act— Black 
suit, white Gloves. 

ROSE TEN-PER-CENT— First Act— Ball Dress— Second Act- 
Travelling Dress— Third Act— Plain Black Silk Dress— Fourth Act 
— Evening Dress. 

CERULIA— First Act— Ball Dress— Second Act— Fashionable Morn- 
ing Dress, (should wear constantly an eye-glass, black mounted) — 
Fourth Act — Evening Dress. 

MRS. TEN-PER-CENT— First Act— Ball Dress— Second Act— Pro- 
menade. 

properties. 

ACT I. 

Scene I. — Furniture for room seen through the Flat, Cigars in cases 
and matches for Ten-per-cent and Nutgalls. Arm chairs in front of 
scene. Ordinary hotel chairs. Ice cream for Rose. Light cane for 
Washington. 

ACT II. 

Scene I. — Lunch Table, l. c , with decanters, Lounge, r., Library 
Chairs, Bookcases, Mirror, handsome Furniture, Book in Library for 
Cerulia to find, Newspaper for Cerulia, Letter and Newspaper for Ten- 
per-cent. (No. 1 & 2, Act II.) Written Card, (large) for Mrs. Ten-per- 
cent, a Tract and a Flacon for Crawl — Door Bell and noise of Trunks, 
u. e. e., Blank Note for Jane, (No. 3, Act II.) 

ACT III. 

Scene I. — Writing Desk, with writing materials paper and manu- 
scripts, e... Two Office Chairs, Basket for waste paper, written paper, 
(No. 1, Act III.) Concert Bill on desk, (GP to be cleared.) 

Scene II. — Fireplace, Furniture of Tenant House, cheap Furniture, 
Table s. c, and a boquet on it, as well as one of Singer's Sewing Ma- 
chines, c, another Table, L., with writing materials, Cooking Utensils 
at fireplace, a Canary Bird in cage, written paper. (No. 2., Act III.,) 2 
sheets newspaper, Herald on table, (No. 3.. Act III,) Newspaper, Act 
III., for Ten-per-cent, (blank,) Evening Minor, No. 6, for Jane, (writ- 
ten.) 

Scene III. — Piano and music on it, armful of Boquets, r. Band up. 



STOP A MOMENT! 

On the first night of this piece, the author had the honor to appear 
before the curtain, in response to the call of the audience. He also 
had the pleasure to address the audience, and is sorry to learn from 
various quarters, that his eloquent remarks were altogether inaudible in 
the front of the house. It has been further stated, that the speech was 
a little confidential chat with Mr. Thomas Baker, the conductor of the 
orchestra. Mr. Baker, however, has assured the author, that he is 
altogether in the dark as to the remarks made on the interesting 
occasion. 

Rather than allow so noble a specimen of forensic eloquence to be 
lost to posterity, the author has decided to embody it here. 

The author, then, desires to thank the public, the actors, and the 
press, for the extreme kindness with which his first efforts at dramatic 
composition have been patronised, performed and reviewed ; and, using 
an entirely original expression, to say that his gratitude is altogether 
too profound to be expressed in words. 

To Miss Laura Keene, the thanks of the author are especially due, 
for her care and attention displayed in getting up the piece ; and for 
her delicate deference to the author's requests, reasonable or unreason- 
able. Nothing could be finer than the acting of Miss Keene and Mr. 
George Jordan, in the characters which embody the speciality of the 
comedy, and much of its success is due to their artistic performance. 
To Mr. Charles Wheatleigh, Mr. Thomas B. Johnston, Mr. Bur- 
nett, Mr. Stoddart, Mr. Lingham, Mrs. Grattan and Miss Josephine 
Manners the acknowledgments of the author are justly due. 

To the great public, which generously gave its approbation to the 
young author's imperfect effort, he returns his thanks, and will endeavor 
to deserve the favor so lavishly bestowed. It was not expected that 
this comedy which deals more with facts than fancies would please 
every body, and that it has satisfied the majority is sufficient for all 
practical purposes. Not to be at all impertinent, the minority should 
remember the remarks of Hamlet — 

" Let the sailed jade wince, 
Our withers are unwrung." 

And so, sweet friends, farewell, until we meet again. 

The Author. 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 



ACT I. 

Scene I. — Represents the piazza of the United States Hotel, at Saratoga 
Springs. Practical windows open from the ball-room on the piazza. 
The front of the scene represents a park. The footlights should be down. 
A quadrille is danced in the ball-room. Chairs in front. Strong lights 
behind the scene, in f. 

Mr. Ten-per-cent. [Discovered sitting on the piazza, r. c, smoking.'] 
Three weeks at Saratoga, and except one jolly dinner at the Lake 
House, with some Wall Street fellows, not one solitary drop of comfort 
have I had yet. What good is all my money to me, I'd like to know. 
I've got a great house in Madison Avenue ; got the furniture of the 
parlors out from Paris — cost a cool ten thousand. Might have got it 
just as good here for five, I've no doubt ; but American manufactures 
are not good enough for fashionable people. Fashionable people — bah ! 

Enter Crawl, l. 3 e. 

Crawl. Ah, my dear sir ! Soliloquizing "? 

Ten-per-cent. Hollo ! Crawl ! is that you, old fellow 1 I'm glad to see 
you. Yes, I was thinking aloud. 

Crawl. I trust, my dear sir, that no unpleasant thoughts intruded. 
" All is vanity," saith the preacher, but Saratoga is said to be very gay, 
this year. 

Ten-per-cent. [contemptuously.] Gay ! — humph. What is all their 
gayety to me 1 

Crawl, {solemnly.] What, indeed, children of sin born in iniquity 1 

Ten-per-cent. I don't know that. There's a good many Southern 
people here, but most of them look as if they were born in New York. 
But what I was saying was, that their gayety is nothing to me. They 
don't know me except when they want a subscription to one of their 
infernal hops ! Then I have to come down — heavy enough it is, too. 
What with new dresses for the women, three dollar boquets, and all 
sorts of trash — not that I care about the money — only they don't seem 
to get anything for it. 

Crawl. Mistaken souls that dream of heaven. If they would only 
spend their money for the spread of religious tracts and pious pocket- 
handkerchiefs among the Camanches. 



6 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Ten-per-cent. Well, I don't know about that. My wife bought two 
pocket-handkerchiefs the other day— loves of mo-shors, she called 'em — 
and gave two hundred and fifty a-piece for 'ern. A Camanche Indian 
might use 'em for rifle wadding, but I'm certain he'd never think of 
wiping his nose on 'em. [Taking- out cigar.] Have a weed, Crawl? 

Crawl. Smoking, sir, is a vanity, and I eschew tobacco, but my phy- 
sician recommends it to quiet my nervous system. Yes, I'll take one, 
thank you. [Lights cigar.] Your lot is a happy one, sir — boundless 
wealth — a lovely daughter. 

Ten-per-cent. (it.) Humbug ! I am a slave, sir. Can't enjoy my own 
property. Got a splendid house — cost (furniture and all) a cool hundred 
thousand. Parlors are always shut up, unless my wife gives a splurge, 
and then I can't get in. I'm kept under ground, in the basement, and, 
the windows being grated, it looks shockingly like the Tombs. Then I 
have a closet to sleep in, in the third story. I'm too vulgar to meet my 
wife's friends, but they drink my wine, nevertheless. Fashion keeps 
us out of our comfortable homes three months in the year, and sends us 
here to Saratoga, where we pay two hundred dollars a- week for a dog- 
kennel, which they call a parlor, and three dry-goods boxes, impudently 
termed bed-rooms ; get nothing to eat — drive over dusty roads — and 
drink water, flavored with old iron, boot-heels and brimstone — bah ! 

Crawl, (l.) Yes, my dear sir, what you say is, indeed, too true ; the 
frivolity of fashionable life is, indeed, terrible ; Doctor Burn-'em-all 
preached such a sweet discourse to our association last summer upon 
that subject. 

Ten-per-cent. Yes, he's a powerful preacher — [Aside.] has a power- 
ful salary too, and makes a tour to Europe to help his bronchitis — it's 
just as bad next summer, and down we come with more money. The 
Doctor's Italian campaigns are as expensive as Napoleon's. By the 
bye, Crawl, how do you come on with Rose 1 

Crawl. Not well, sir ; she's a strange girl — no seriousness about her 
at all ; talks all the time about the opera and horses. Sometimes she 
astonishes me by asking about La Grange's shake. 

Ten-per-cent. Her what ? 

Crawl. Shake ! don't know what it is — never heard of it in Wall 
Street — don't think it occurs in church music. 

Nutgalls enters c.from door. 

Nut. [Aside.] Max has to pay twenty-eight hundred a month for it, 
though. 

Crawl. And then she wants me to look at a new horse, and asks me 
what is the best trotting time, under the saddle. 

Nut. [Back.] She'll run you the fastest race you ever heard of, if you 
get her. 

Crawl. If I attempt to divert her attention from worldly frivolities, 
she laughs and says that no one in society goes to church, except to 
hear the singing. 

Nut. The old fogies go to sleep. 

Ten-per-cent. I really can't imagine what ails the women. Rose 



YOUNG NEW YORK. i 

used to be the quietest of girls — quite like that queer little cousin of 
hers from Boston — but stick to Rose, she's good stock, fully up to par. 

Crawl. I'm afraid that profane singer, from the opera, has a design 
up|^ her virgin heart. 

Nut. [Aside.] As you have upon her virgin bank account. 

Ten-per-cent. Confound those fellows ! why can't they eat their mac- 
caroni at home] Why, my wife patronizes Shibiberninny, or whatever 
his name is, I can't see. People ought to stick to their position, I say. 

Nut. [Advancing.] Some of us would be transferred from the Fifth 
to the First Avenue, if that rule were carried out. Your servant, gen- 
tlemen. 

Ten per-cent. Ah ! Scorcher, how are you"? "What's going on inside 
— got an item for us, or for to-morrow's paper 1 

Nut. [Imitating Crawl.] The Scorcher is engaged in the great work 
of regenerating humanity, settling the affairs of the nation, and regu- 
lating the destinies of Europe, at two cents per copy, and one shilling a 
line for advertisements ! And we can't afford space to puff broken down 
wateriaig places and used up belles. 

Crawl. I never read the secular press. My researches are confined 
to the publications of the Tract Society. 

Nut. Capital good things they are too. 

Ten-per-ccnt. Yes, to go to sleep over. But how goes the hop? 

Rose. [Speaking c. inside.] Oh! no, thank you ; I don't care to dance 
any more till the German — won't somebody get me a cobbler ? 

Nut. There comes some one that can tell you better than I. 

[Ladies laugh within. 

Ten-per-cent. Jerusalem! a whole raft of women. I'll leave. Crawl, 
will you moisten ! 

Crawl. I am a tee-totaller in principle, but my physician recommends 
a small quantity of stimulant for my nervous agitation 

Ten-per-cent. Humph! that means you'll go, I suppose"? Nutgalls, 
will you join us • 

Nut. My physician is not so kind as Crawl's. In fact he warned me 
against bad liquor, so I decline. 

Ten-per-cent. Come, Crawl, [Going l.] I want to talk to you about 
that Galena and Chicago. 

Crawl. Hold on to it. [Exeunt Ten-per-cent and Crawl, l. 3 e. 

Nut (l. c.) Nice fellow, that Crawl— makes a good thing out of re- 
ligion and fancy stocks together. 

Enter Rose, c, eating an ice, with Mrs. Ten-per-cent, Miss Cerulia 
Sawin and Skibberini. 

Rose, (c.) Oh ! Mr. Nutgalls, I'm so glad to see you. You know 
everything, and can tell me all about the races. Will any ladies go? 
They say some of the people in society have got a club, and oh my ! — 
you ought to have seen me out this morning with those new ponies pa 
gave me — such dears — I had such a brush on the Lake Road. 

Mrs. Ten. (l. c.) My dear, such conversation 

Rose. Stop, ma — don't break me up. I'm in the best part. 

Nut. (r.) It's charming — pray go on. 



8 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Rose. Well, Rule and I thought we would have a little ride this morn- 
ing with the ponies — didn't we, Rule 1 

Cerulia. (l.) You did all the thinking. I had heard there were some 
curious stratifications near the lake. 

Rose. That'll do about the strat — whatever you call them. Rule 
and I thought we'd have a ride, so we took Skib along to drive us, 
didn't we, Skib 1 

Skib. Si, signorina ! (Aside) and mighty glad I was to get back wid 
whole bones in me skin. 

Rose. We had the new light wagon, and were going along at what 
Wash, calls a Jersey gait, when down comes Bob Fastboy with those 
splendid blacks of his. My ponies pricked up their ears, and gave a 
jump that nearly pulled Skib's arms out, and made Rule drop her Emerson 
in the mud. You ought to have seen the ponies throw out their dear 
little feet I felt all the blood coming up to my head — the ponies went 
faster and faster, Skib got nervous — I was as cool as Rockland Lake at 
Christmas — I took the reins, oh ! how they pulled, [Imitating driving,'] 
soon came up to Fastboy. He wanted to pull up — too much of a gen- 
tleman, you know, to race with a lady — but his horses didn't share his 
feelings in that respect, and nearly pulled him over the dasher, instead 
of he checking them, so he let them go, and away we went, like twin 
bullets, neck and neck. I kept my arms down, and had the ponies well 
together, so — everything turned aside for us — we had a clear road for a 
mile. I couldn't hear anything but the rattling of the wheels or the tip 
tips of the ponies' hoofs — my heart beat like a steam engine, it was clear 
up in my mouth, and — and — I beat him, I beat him — I led him a hun- 
dred yards at the Lake House. What do you think of that — eh 1 

Mrs. Ten. I think it's disgusting — what would the Dusenburys say? 

Nut. I think it's charming. [Aside] She'd have saved the fortunes 
of the Hippodrome. 

Skib. You drive splendidly. [Aside.] 'Pon my soul, I expected we'd 
overturn every minute. 

Cerulia. I think from your exterior stratifications, that there must be 
a little of the horse-jockey in your primary formations. [Music within. 

Rose. Dear me, that's for the German, come Ma, Rule, Skib, [To 
Nutgalls.] come Scorpion, won't you go? 

[Hushes out c, followed by Skib., Cerulia, and Mrs. Ten-pee-cent. 

Nutgalls. No, thank you. There's no comfort in dancing with a lady 
now a days. The hoops are so extensive that one can't get within 
fifteen feet of his partner. I think I shall have to republish No. 167 of 
the Spectator as a lesson to the perverse females of this generation. 
They enlarge the rear of freedom with a vengeance. 

Enter Froth [l. 3 e.], runs to Nutgalls and slaps him on the back. 

Froth, (l.) How are you, old fellow 1 How's every inch of your 
crusty old carcase ! Just arrived, railroad accident of course — always 
is — smashed up a lot of immigrants — being second class passengers, no 
fuss will be made about them. Detained a lot of 'fifth Avenue people, 
though — they'll make a fuss. What's the news! What's up? who's 
here ! How's my old fojjy friend, Ten-per-cent, and that joker Crawl, 
who does the religious dodge, and make no end of tin by it 1 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 9 

Nutgalls. (r.) Oh, they are spending their time in the usual miser- 
able manner, affected by our people when they enjoy rural felicity, which 
means being charged and starved to death. What on earth are you 
here for. You ought to know better. 

Froth. So I do. I*m here for business. Old Ten per-cent wants to 
run for Congress, and I'm his agent — don't you see 1 All these things 
are done by funds, and I've come for a small cheque on the Bank of 
Commerce for incidentals. 

Nut. What are they '! 

Froth. That's a secret. I can't put you up to all the dodges. First 
thing I knew, you'd let 'em all out in the Scorcher, but the legitimate 
expenses of a Congressional campaign are twenty-five hundred or three 
thousand dollars, and when we employ strikers, and buy up small 
newspapers, those are the illegitimate expenses ; it often costs five or six 
thousand. I've rung in some small fry-journals to back up the old joker, 
but it's of no use talking to you, I suppose. 

Nut. No, I couldn't support him at any price. He might do for the 
Board of Aldermen. They do nothing but sit in a cushioned chair at 
City Hall, and say, yea or nay, as the party demands, and use up a great 
deal of stationery ! much to the distress of the Comptroller, who refuses 
to pay for a package of envelopes, and winks at a fifty thousand dollar 
contract. New York has been taxed to death, and nothing but its great 
wealth, its astonishing prosperity, and the abused generosity of its 
people, prevents them from taking the law into their own hands, after 
the fashion of the San Francisco Vigilance Committee. 

Froth. That would be unpleasant. 

Nut. Undoubtedly. But the body politic is like the body human — 
it needs strong medicines at times. But I believe that recent events 
show that the people are waking up to a sense of their stupidity, and 
are preparing to administer the government themselves, instead of 
placing it in the hands of two or three hundred drunken rowdies, who 
bully voters at primary elections, and pack nominating conventions. 
The independent press has led the van in this new movement, and the 
people are alive to the necessity of putting the right men in the right 
places. So, decidedly, we cannot support your man for Congress. As 
a politician he is one of the biggest fools in the district. 

Froth. That's precisely the reason we are going to elect him. I have 
got everything set with the nominating convention, and he is bound to 
go in. Now, if you 've got any nice little thing, you'd like to get put 
through next session, just support him and it's settled. 

Nut. No. sir Couldn't be done. Money's no object, unless we get 
it in the legitimate way. We 've got a large number of other, and 
better fishes to fry. Will you smoke 1 [Offering- cigar. 

Froth. [Taking cigar. Nutgalls goes up.} Don't mind if I do, 
Cabanas? Yes, very nice. I say, Mr. Ten-per-cent, is that you 1 

Ten-pcr-cent. [Coming forward from l. 3 e. of piazza.} Yes, that's 
me. How'd ye do, Froth ) What's the news in the city ? 

[They take chairs — Nutgalls r. 

Froth. Oh, great. Politics running higher than ever. The Buchanan 
men confident. The Fillmore party gave a grand splurge and saved the 



10 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

country, a night or two ago, and the Fremont fellows are fighting like 
30 many grizzlys for victory. 

Ten-per-cent. (l.) How do things look in my district"? 

Froth. A little queer, but I think I've got most of the delegates, so 
^our nomination is pretty near fixed. 1 have gasconaded a good deal 
ibout " eminent merchant," — "credit to his country" — "commercial 
nterest surest of the prosperity of the republic " — and spent plenty of 
nohey for liquor. 

Tcn-per-cent. A powerful agent. 

Froth. Yes, it gets at men who are altogether unimpressible by other 
neans ; it's very expensive though — nothing but shilling drinks in your 
Jistrict. But we must have money. 

Tcn-per-cent. Money — always money. I'm a perfect watering-cart, 
saturating everybody with artificial cheques ; I gave you a thousand a 
week ago. 

Froth. Yes, I banked all that, [Aside] chiefly at phdro. We want 
money for two or three delegates, who can't see your infinite merit just 
it present, and there's a good deal to pay to men to stand round the 
Dolls. 

Tcn-per-cent.. What fori Are all those loafers paid 1 

Froth. Paid ! of course they are. What the d — 1 would they do it 
for unless they were ! The simplicity of some people passes my com- 
prehension. They stand there to stave off voters for other people, and 
jet. votes for their employers. They prevent half the respectable people 
n New York from voting at all ; and your respectable people have a 
labit of scratching their tickets and voting for the best man, without 
regard to his political affinities, which is excessively inconvenient at 
;imes. 

Ten-per-cent. Well, come along, and I'll give you a cheque. 

Froth. We must be in a hurry — got two or three complimentary be- 
nefits to manage, and four or five new singers to trot out. 

[Exit Froth and Ten-per-cent, l. 3 e. — Nutgalls goes L. 

Enter Rose, hurriedly, c. 

Rose, (r.) Dear Mr. Nutgalls, I'm glad I've found you alone ; I've a 
question to ask you. 

Nut. I never answer them ; [Rose looking in his face'] but this is 
such a little one, you'll answer it to please me, won't you ? 

Nut. [Aside.] Kow, nothing human could stand that, and I am 
human, though I do edit a newspaper. What is it — something about 
hoops or horses ? 

Hose. You misjudge me, like every one else. Nobody knows me, 
really, except Wash, and — and [Hesitates. 

Nut. Ah, there's somebody else ! 

Rose. Never mind. I want to ask you what you think of me. 

Nut. I think you are a very nice young woman — a bit spoiled — a 
little too fast for my taste, and a little too frivolous for the real business 
of life. 

Rose. Yes, you're like all the men ; they are continually pitching into 
us for our extravagance, yet the lady who is the most richly dressed, 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 11 

always has the greatest number of gentlemen in her train : how do you 
account for that, my Diogenes ! 

Nut. You mistake me. I do not object to dress. A lovely woman 
is never so handsome as when richly dressed. What I object to is ex- 
travagance in attire without taste, and a reckless, vulgar display, which 
only makes the wearer absurd. That's what you may see any fine 
afternoon in Broadway ; and it always makes me think that a woman's 
brains are too small, even for the bonnets they wear now-a-days, and 
that her common sense might easily be wrapped up in the smallest cor- 
ner of her gaudy shawl. But when I said frivolous, I did not mean 
dress, particularly, I meant to say that you, like too many fashionable 
young ladies, paid little attention to matters of real consequence, such 
as fitting yourself for the responsible duties which you will be one day 
called upon to perform ; still I think there's a great deal of good in you. 

Rose, [houghing.} Much obliged for the compliment, bear, though I 
don't think much of it. Now I am going to be serious — I feel strangely 
impelled to confide in you. What do you think of Mr. Crawl ? 

Nut. (l.) He's a good sort of fellow enough in his way, but 

Rose. But you don't like his way \ I thought so. He has proposed 
to me a great many times, and I have refused him, and pa says I must 
have him ; and I can't, and I won't. [Sobbing.'] I've talked to Wash, 
about it, but he and pa are not on the best terms, and ma is in favor of 
it, and — and — I — I — [Sobs.] I'm the most miserable little woman in the 
world. 

Nut. [Aside.] Here's a situation for a cynic, [To Rose.] And you 
love somebody else, I presume 1 

Rose. [Still sobbing.] Y — y — yes. 

Nut. Well, why don't the governor have him 1 What's the matter 
with him ? 

Rose. Oh, nothing — that is, not much of anything. He hasn't got 
any money ! 

Nut. Ahem ! That's a great deal in New York. One, who has no 
money here, may as well hang himself, or go to Kansas, which is a 
cheap and agreeable means of suicide. Through tickets, twenty dollars 
No charge for a rifle bullet in the head. You're not fit, Rose, to be a 
poor man's wife : like too many American girls, you have been brought 
up in utter ignorance of what you should have been taught, and are 
vastly well informed upon things of no sort of value. 

Rose. [Stoutly.] But one thing I do know, and that is, I will marry 
the man I choose, whether he's got sixpence or not, and I will labor 
to the last of my ability to make him happy. I know enough for that, 
and the will goes a long way in such matters — don't it, old bear 1 

Nut. Bravo ! little one. There's some hope of you, yet. But, don't 
do anything rashly. I don't think Crawl deserves you, and will help to 
defeat him. But you must remember that if you marry any one who 
is not in society — an artist 

Rose. Oh ! 

Nut. Yes, I think I know your secret. If you marry any one of that 
sort, you'll suffer a great deal ; you'll be cut by your old friends, out- 
lawed from society, and otherwise be made to feel very uncomfortable. 



12 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Rose. I don't ca-e for any of them. They affect to despise people 
who are superior to them in every respect. Hut, I must run away ; it's 
getting late. Good night. [Offers hand. 

Nut. [Takes hand] Good night, my little friend, and good luck. 

[ Walks up piazza, l. 3 e. 
[Rose goes to window in c, awl meets Skibbekini — Skibberini 
takes her hand, and they come down r. 
Skib. One moment — have you considered my proposition! Will 
your father relent \ 

Rose, (l ) No, there's been a cabinet council, and I don't see that 
there's any hope of mollifying the governor ; I think he's influenced 
by that Crawl. Stupid wretch ! I hate the sight of him. Oh ! Skib, 
what's the use of your being a nobleman, if you haven't got a cent of 
money ? 

Crawl enters r. slily. 

Crawl. Good heavens ! there he is making love to her before my face. 
It's shameful ; I'll get far enough away so they can't see me. and listen 
to their conversation. [Steps back to r. h. e.. and as he does so 

Enter R. Washington, a little intoxicated, runs against Crawl. 

Wash. Carom on the white ball. Bad shot of yours, that, sir, never 
should hold your cue in that clumsy way. Pretty thing, that Brindisi; 
ever hear Vestvali sing it 1 [Sings] 'Tis better to love than — 

[Crawl puts his hand on Washington's mouth. 

Crawl. Be quiet, sir. 

[Rose and Skib. converse in whispers, seated l. c. 

Wash. (r. c ) Splendid woman — never saw anything like her, even 
in Paris — Paris great place— -great boots — ever see La Grange's boots 
in the North Star? the only thine in the opera good for anything, I 
assure you. What's the row 1 Who's that young woman 1 

Crawl. Such disgraceful proceedings, sir. 

Wash. That's jolly good. I like disgraceful things. 

Rose. I say again, if you only had money 

Wash. What's that about money I 

Skib. But I have something better, I have my profession ; tenors are 
valuable in this country. Your people pay us twice as much as we can 
get in Europe. Why should you care for the governor] Let us run 
away, and he's sure to forgive us — I don't think you love me at all. 

Wash. Hurrah ! Don't care for his governor, no more do I — that's 
the talk ! 

Rose. I do love you, Skib, earnestly, devotedly ; and when we Ame- 
rican women really are caught, it's for good and all. 

Crawl He may have caught her, but keeping her is another affair 
altogether. 

Wash. That's so — I wonder what it's all about ? 

Skib. You don't know how happy you've made the poor artist by this 
avowal. 1 would not give this moment for all the plaudits of the Aca- 
demy. 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 13 

Wash. Yes, I know some fellows go there to applaud — don't you, 
Crawl * 

Crawl. I never frequent profane places of public amusement — but 
listen. 

Rose. I'm yours, for everl 

Crawl. Not yet. 

Skib. Oh. ecstasy ! 

Wash. [To Crawl.] I say, old fel — it ain't gentlemanly for us to be 
trying to overhear 

Crawl. [Excitedly] Stop ! 

Skib. And you'll run away with me? 

Rose. Won't you let me confide in somebody 1 

Wash. I won't stop. I say- it ain't the correct thing, if they are 
going to run away, — let 'em slide, I don't care. 

Skib. Confide in who ? 

Crawl. Yes, who 1 — let's learn. 

Wash Bran and water, I say. 

Rose. Why, in Wash. 

Skib. What ! in that stupid brother of yours 1 

Crawl. Ah ! 

Wash. Who's that, that's stupid! [Crosses to c. 

Crawl. [Coolly.'] Only you. 

Wash. [Excited, c] Only me. That's good. 

Rose. He's my dear brother, and the only one in the family I care 
about, and he's really sensible enough, if he had 

Skib. Any brains. 

Crawl. [To Wash.] Do you hear that! 

Wash. Dem it, I should think so. That's rather too much, you 
know. - 

[Attempts to go towards Rose and Siubberini, but is restrained by 
Crawl, and in struggles to get aivay drops his cane. 

Enter Nutgalls, l. — goes to Rose. 
Nut. [Aside, coming clown l.] There's going to be a row here. Miss 
Rose, your maternal parent, fatigued by a tremendous piano-forte solo, 
played by an interesting amateur, with one lung, has sent me to look 
for you. [Whispers] You must go at once. [Offers arm. 

Rose. [Taking his arm, to Skib.] Adieu! 
Skib. [c, walking slowly to l.] Adieu! Ma toute belle. 

[Rose and Nutgalls exit, c. n. ; Wash, breaks away from Crawl, 
and comes towards Skib. from right. 
Wash. [To Skib.] I say, old top, look here ! 

Crawl. This will be dangerous, so I'll cut. [Exit, R. 

Skib. Well, sir ! 
Wash. You called me stupid 1 
Skib. Well! 

Wash. [Threatening with cane."} I'm going to Sumnerise you! 
Skib. Bless your heart, I'm not a Senator ! 

Wash. Yes, but I don't discriminate between the man and the act. 
You're a tenor, and I'm going to smash your upper register. What do 
you think of this for a shake 1 [Flourishing stick over Skib's. head 



14 " YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Enter Froth, c. d. — hurriedly rushes down and seizes Wash's arm. 

Froth. [To Wash.] Excuse me, sir, but I have a pecuniary interest 
in this piece of property. 

Wash. Go away, Froth. 

Skib. I beg you won't interfere, sir. 

Froth. Yes, "but I will. He is engaged by me to kindly volunteer his 
services [Aside.] for fifty dollars for the complimentary concert to 
Madame de Blowhardi, for fifty years prima donna assoluta of the 
opera, and now incapacitated by an accidental circumstance — [Aside.] 
old age — from continuing the duties of her profession. 

Wash Nonsense! [Attempts to strike Skib. 

Enter, c. d., Nutgalls — seizes Wash, and draws him away to e,., while 
Froth draxos Skib. to l. 

Nut. We'll settle this at the Clifton House. 



END OF ACT I. 

ACT II. 

Scene I. — Basement of Mr. Ten-per-cent's house; comfortable room ; 
mirror; book-cases; library chairs ; lunch table, with decanters, c. ; 
doors, r. and l. 

Froth discovered at table, l. 

Froth. Nice business we've made of this, all round ! Grand smash- 
up at Saratoga — bad as an operatic imbroglio. Rose — nice young 
woman, that — ought to be Mrs. Froth ; but matrimony is such a bore — 
Rose shut off the duel, and knocked one pin out of Mr. Crawl. Then 
there was a grand flare-up with the old lady, and then Skibberini dis- 
appeared, and then old Blowhardi's benefit went off the hooks, and 
then I couldn't find out what all the row was about, and then I took all 
the money I laid out in blowing for old Blowhardi, and then 

Enter Cerulia, r. f., reading. 

Ah ! there's that sweet little bit of Bay State granite. I'll soften her 
with a little suaviter in modo. [Aloud.] Good morning, Miss Sawin — 
how charming is 

Cerulia. [Reading, r.] A petrified frog discovered on the banks of 
the Connecticut. 

Froth. I was saying that Broadway 

Cerulia. Where it had been found in the fourth formation, which 
shows that it must have been 

Froth. That the ladies on Broadway 

Cerulia. Must have been imbedded since the eighth century. [Looks 
up, sees Froth ] Ah ! Mr. Froth, is that you 7 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 15 

Froth It is — at least, I believe so. How splendidly you are look- 
ing 

Cerulia. Yes — I was looking for the transactions of the American 
Association for the Advancement of Science. Those sweet Professors ! 

[Goes to book-case. 

Froth. [Aside.'] Yes, they are a sweet set. Jupiter ! if a joker 
wanted to make love to her, now, she'd go into a philosophical disquisition 
on the origin and progress of the divine passion. [Aloud.'] I say, Miss 
Cerulia, is the lady patroness of the establishment visible ! 

Cerulia. No — I entertained her for half-an-hour with such a dear, 
transcendental essay on the duality of the soul. And what do you 
think she said 1 

Froth. Haven't an idea — [Aside.] That it was a humbug ! [Aloud.] 
Something complimentary, undoubtedly. 

Cerulia. Nothing of the sort. She said it was a horrid bore, and 
ordered the carriage for the Orphan Asylum. 

Froth. Yes — to bore the little dears, and do up some fashionable be- 
nevolence. Where's Miss Rose 1 

Cerulia. Oh, she went up to Newburgh yesterday, to see one of her 
old schoolmates. [Crosses to r.] Good morning, Mr. Froth. [Going, 
R., Reading, walks against wing, l. 1 e , Froth corrects her, and shews 
her the door. 

Froth. [Opening r. d. f.] Good morning, Miss. [Exit Cerulia. 

Aw ! I see a big light I wouldn't wonder if there should be a grand 
row somewhere in this neighborhood. That Rose isn't the sort of 
person that goes seventy miles to see some bread and butter school 
girl. No, indeed ! I wouldn't wonder if she'd gone, and done and run 
away with Skibberini, just out of unutterable despair at not getting me. 
[Looks in mirror, and twirls his moustache.] What a wretch I am, to 
be sure. 

Enter Ten-per-cent, in a passion, l. 

Ten-per-ccnt. D — n it ! I say, confound it ! Who's that looking in 

my mirror 1 I say, sir 1 said d — n it ! I repeat the remark 

d— n it ! 

Froth. [Taming round.] Certainly ! D — n what 1 Never mind, 

d — n anything you like. An elderly, irrascible gentleman, with half a 
million, has a perfect right to anathematize anything he sees fit. I am 
happy to coincide, with you d — n it ! 

Ten-pcr-cent. [ Walking up and down.] Oh ! it's you, is it, Froth] 

Froth. That's the second time I've been questioned, this morning, as 
to my identity. Yes, it is me. /shall begin to swear presently. 

Ten-per-ccnt. That infernal rascal ! If I only had him here 

Froth. [Pouring wine, c ] Come, old fellow, you're excited. Take 
a drop of sherry. No man ever got into a rage on sherry. 

Ten-per-ccnt. D — n sherry ! t) — n everything ! 

Froth. Precisely ! D — n everything ! But what's the difficulty, 
that everybody has got to be d — d this particular morning, and saved 
all the rest of the week ! What's the row I 

Ten-pcr-cent. [r., Taking letter and newspaper from pocket.] Row 



1C YOUNG NEW YORK. 

enough ! Read that. [Gives them to Froth.] Oh ! the infernal 
scoundrel ! 

Froth, [l., Reading note ] '' Dear Pa ! I have to ask your forgive- 
ness. Skib. and I were married this morning. Wash, said he thought 
you wouldn't be able to arrange your business in Wall street, and so he 
gave me away, and did it splendidly. It was rural, and very nice. We 
are going to the Falls," 

Ten-per-cent. I should like to pitch thern over the Falls ! 

Froth. No you wouldn't. [Reads.] " Going to the Falls for our 
wedding tour, and then return to town, to throw ourselves at your 
patent leathers. You'll forgive us, won't you. Pa l Skib. is such a 
nice fellow. He and Wash, send their respects. Adieu, mon fere. 

" Your affectionate daughter, Rose. 

" P. S I send such a nice article about us, out of the ' Spuyten 
Duyvil Blast of Freedom.'' Wash, has been playing billiards all the 
time, with the Editor, and got him to put it in for a leader. 

" Spuyten Duyvil, Monday." 

Ten-per-cent. I should like to punch his head. 

Froth. It's dangerous, punching editors' heads, now-a-days. A joker 
got into the Tombs for indulging in that luxury, the other day. What's 
this 1 [Reads from Newspaper. 

" Marriage in High Life. — Our little village was thrown into a 
perfect furor of excitement on Wednesday last, by a wedding in high 
life. The gallant bridegroom is Count Patrici de Skibberini, who is 
descended from one of the noblest families in Italy, and who has been 
favorably known as an artiste of the opera ; and the bride is Miss Rose 
Ten-per-cent. the daughter of one of New York's most distinguished 
merchant princes. The ceremony was performed by the Rev. Mr. 
Smith, at his residence, and we, with others of the principal men of this 
town, had the honor of being present. The bride, who was the belle 
of Saratoga last season, looked bewilderingly beautiful, and every one 
envied the happy bridegroom. The happy pair, after a brief sojourn at 
the American Eagle Hotel, which is kept in the best manner, by our 
old friend, G. Washington Jones. — (see advertisement in another co- 
lumn,) — departed for Niagara Falls, whence, after tarrying a short time, 
they will proceed to Now York, and thence to Italy, where the Count 
has a beautiful villa, by the Lake of Como, so eloquent!}' described by 
Bulwer, in that beautiful play. ' The Lady of Lyons,' — to be performed 
this evening, for the first time in this town, by Robinson's superior 
travelling company, admission fifteen cents — commencing — ' In a deep 
vale, shut out by Alpine hills,' &e. The happy pair have our best 
wishes for their continued prosperity." 

Ten-per-cent. There. Sir! What do you think of that ? 

Froth. I think it's highly amusing. I'd like to know tnat editor. 
He ought to be on the '■Home Journal.'' 

Ten-per-cent. D — n the editor ! Curse the whole party ! He's 
married her for my money — but not a single red cent of it will he get. 
And Wash, in it, too. After all I've done for those children, [patheti- 
cally.'] spending all the money I have for their education, so they'd 
know how to spend my money in a respectable manner. [Crosses, r. 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 17 

Froth, [l., Aside.'] Something that you don't know, yet ! 

Ten-per-cent. [angrily ] To have them fool me in that way 1 I'll fix 
'em ! I'll cut 'em off with a dollar apiece ! [Crosses, l. 

Froth, [r.] And leave your money to some Missionary Society, I 
suppose ? That's the way they do it now — it's taking your funds to 
begin the next world with. I came to talk with you about politics ; — 
things are looking ugly for us 

Ten-per-cent. [enraged.] Stop ! I've had trouble enough for one 
day. 

Froth. Well, I'll cut then — Better forgive the young 'uns. 

Ten-per-cent. No ! no ! 

Froth. Good bye. governor. — Got a lot of puffs to write for Brown's 
double rotary back action steam egg hatcher, and attend three political 
conventions, [r.] Good bye. [Exit R. H. 

Ten-per-cent. [Sitting at table l., his face concealed in his hands.] 
Good bye, Froth. If you see any body I know, tell 'em I have gone to 
bleeding Kansas. 

Enter Mrs. Ten-per-cent, l., in great glee, shewing large card. 

Mrs. Ten. (l.) I've got it ! I've got it ! It's the first party of the 
season, and now every body must ask me. What's the matter with 
that man ? Been drinking, I suspect. Awful beast ! Mr. Ten-per- 
cent 1 wake up, sir. 

Ten-per-cent. [r. of table, not looking up.] I'm glad you are so happy, 
madam. [Aside.] I'll fix her in a minute. 

Mrs. Ten. Yes, I am happy. Look at this ! [Flourishes card.] Mrs. 
Delancy Ten Brceck sends me a card for the first party. I've been 
trying to get into that set for five years. 

Ten-per-cent. [Aside.] Yes, and now you've got in, only to be kicked 
out again. [Aloud.] Is that the paste board 1 It's big enough 1 

Mrs. Ten. Yes — Mrs. Ten Broeck is an old Knickerbocker, and does 
every thing in the highest style. I'll read it to you. [Reads.] 

Mrs. Delancy Ten Brceck solicits the pleasure 
of Mr. & Mrs. Ten-per- cent's company on Thurs- 
day evening. 

433 Fifth Avenue. R. S. V. P. 

There, sir ! I hope you will try to dress yourself like a gentleman, at 
least. There's a card for Rose, and one for Wash., too. I've got such 
a love of a dress — cost $300, and the lace as much more. [Sits l. 

Tcn-'per-cent. [sarcastically.] No doubt. I think it's a bad invest- 
ment. So, there's a card for Rose, and one for Wash., eh 1 Pray is 
there one for Rose's — Rose's — madam, for Rose's husband ? 

Mrs. Ten. [astonished.] Her what ? 

Ten-fer-cent. Not her what! her husband — Imsband, I said, madam, 
— her husband, 

Mrs. Ten. [aside.] He has been drinking. I'll look out for the keys 
of the wine closet hereafter. [Aloud ] You'd better take a little opium, 
my dear, put some ice on your head, and go to bed. I'm afraid you're 



18 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Ten-per-cent. No, madam — it is you who will be ill in a moment. — 
Where is your daughter 1 

Mrs. Ten. Gone to Newburgh, to see Miss Highflyer, her old school- 
mate. Her father failed, you know, my love, and gave up every thing 
to his creditors, and they only spend twenty thousand a year, now, 
and live in rural retirement. 

Ten-per-cent. Really ! is that all 1 Madam, Rose has not gone to 
Newburgh. She has run away with that maccaroni-chewing, cigar- 
smoking, garlic-devouring, mustache-curling, d d blackguard — 

Mrs. Ten. Oh, dear ! 

Ten-per-cent. Of an opera singer, Skibberinini, or what ever his 

d d name is ! That ever I should have a son-in law, with a 

name I couldn't pronounce. [Grosses L. 

Mrs. Ten. [Hesitating, — going r.] And they are married 1 

Ten-per-cent. Yes. 

Enter Crawl, r. 2. e. 

Mrs. Ten. Oh, dear ! I feel very ill — where's my salts ? [Staggers, r.] 
Married 1 — every body will think I'm growing old. — Oh ! oh ! 

[Faints in Crawl's arms, r. 

Crawl. I beg your pardon — really, sir, won't you be kind enough to 
relieve me ] 

Ten-per-cent. No ! I've found her dead weight enough for years. 
She's only got a fashionable faint. 

Mrs. Ten. [Recovering.'] Silence, sir ! where's my salts? 

Crawl. Allow me. — [Takes paper from pocket. ] No, that's not it — 
that's a tract on the Necessity of Politics in the Pulpit. Here it is 
[Gives her flacon to Ten-per-cent.] Allow me, sir, to direct your atten- 
tion to this soul stirring publication. 

[Gives tract to Mr. Ten-per-cent, then leads Mrs. Ten. to sofa, r. 

Ten-per-cent. I feel more like a soul stirring whiskey punch. But 
have you heard the news 1 

Mrs Ten. [Springing up.] I'll tell him ! 

Ten-per-ccnt. No, you won't ! 

Mrs. Ten. You're a brute. [Sits. 

Ten-per-cent. This is my basement, madam ; you can rule in the par- 
lors, but I'm king here. You will oblige me by retiring. 

Mrs. Ten. I shall oblige myself by doing nothing of the kind. 

Crawl. Really, sir — this scene — do you know what St. Paul says ! 

Ten-per-cent. No ! d — n St. Paul ! 

Crawl, (c.) Good gracious ! d — n St. Paul — I never, really, heard of 
such a thing. But, perhaps, sir, you'll be good enough to tell me the 
news 1 

Mrs. Ten. You must know that Rose — that is — it's all his fault 
[Points to Mr. Ten-per-cent.] — he spoil'd both of them. 

Ten-per-cent. It is false, madam ! You insisted upon her learning 
Italian music, and all such nonsense. 

Crawl, [c. Aside. ] Something about Rose, I begin to be afraid — 
[Aloud.] Pray tell me. 

Mrs. Ten. [To Crawl.] Excuse me, sir. L To Mr. T.] I have given 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 19 

Rose the education due to her position. It was you that taught her to 
drive horses, and have terriers, and all sorts of low things. 

Ten-pcr-cent. She ought to have been taught to make puddings and 
mend stockings. 

Crawl. She'd never do it, I fear. 

Mrs. Ten. Odious idea ! Young ladies are not utilitarian articles — 
they are objects of virtu 

Ten-pcr-cent. Objects of vice, more likely. I wish you would con- 
trive to keep your tongue still for half a moment, till I can tell Mr. Crawl 
about this unfortunate business. 

Mrs. Ten. Why, you've been talking all the time — I haven't had an 
opportunity to say a word. 

Crawl. Ah! [Aside.] You've done pretty well without an oppor- 
tunity. 

Ten-pcr-cent. [To Crawl.] To make it short, you must know that 
Rose has run away with that infernal opera singer. 

Crawl. [Suppressing emotion.] And are they — married 1 

Ten-per-cent. [Sternly.'] Yes! 

Mrs. Ten. It's lucky he's a count — that's something. 

Crawl [Bitterly.] Pshaw! you may buy patents of nobility for twenty 
shillings ! [Recovers his usual manner.] But, my dear sir, and madam, 
allow me to condole with you. In a worldly point of view, it is a sad 
disappointment to me, but — 

Ten-per-cent. Why the devil didn't you run away with her yourself! 

Crawl. Good Heavens ! me run away with any body 1 What would 
the Grace Church people say ! As I was about to remark, I seek con- 
solation in a spiritual point of view. 

Ten-per-cent. Yes — I've heard that the young men, when they are 
jilted, usually take to brandy cocktails for the first six weeks or so. 

Mrs. Ten. Suicide is more dignified. But what have you to advise, 
Mr. Crawl? 

Ten-per-cent. Yes, Crawl, what shall we do 1 

Crawl. Well, these artists are all low fellows, with an ungodly love 
of Mammon, and — 

[Bell rings without, accompanied by noise and confusion, in the 
midst of which is heard Rose's voice. 

Rose. [ Without.] There, that'll do ; thank you. Put four of those 
trunks in my dressing-room, and the other ten you may leave here for 
the present. Where's ma 1 

Mrs. Ten. (r.) That's Rose ! 

Crawl opens r. d. f. Enter Rose, hastily, Crawl gives her his hand. 

Crawl, (r. c.) Allow me, Miss Rose — I beg pardon — Madame la 
Comtesse, to tender to you my warmest congratulations, and my sin- 
cerest wishes for your future welfare. My heart bleeds — 

Rose. (l. c.) Thank you, Mr. Crawl, that'll do — I don't care to hear 
a sermon. If your heart bleeds, Rule will fix it up for you, she's great 
on surgery. 

Crawl. [Aside, going, r.) I'll have you yet. 

[lie is about to exit, r., when 



20 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Enter Wash., r. He runs against Crawl. 

Wash. Ah! old fellow! [Exit Crawl, r.] Keep up — beaten at your 
own game — better luck next time. They've been taking two to one on 
you, I'm afraid. 

[Rose and Wash, at back of stage, looking intently at Mr. and Mrs. 
T. Rose comes down slowly to where Mrs. T. sits. Wash, goes 
very slowly to Mr. and then to Mrs. T., they turn their backs. 
Wash, takes glass of wine, and sits carelessly on edge of table, 
L. u. E. 
Rose. My dear mother — 

Mrs. Ten. Don't talk to me, miss ! — such disgraceful proceedings ! 
Ten-per-cent. Awful ! 

Wash. Nothing of the kind, governor. Every thing was done with- 
out regard to expense. Told 'em to go it strong, and you'd pay all the 
bills. Had the whole town tight as bricks, before dinner. 

Rose. Hush, Wash ! [Goes to Mrs. T. and endeavors to embrace her. 

Is repulsed.] I am sensible that we have done wrong in part, but I have 

come to acknowledge it, and ask pardon. I never would have anybody 

but Skib, and — and — [Bursts into tears. 

Wash. Go it, Rose. 

Ten-per-cent. [ Wiping his eyes.] I can't stand this. [Going, r.] I 
say. Rose — 

Mrs. Ten. Silence, sir ! Rose, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. 
What will the people in society say ! 

Rose. Why, ma, you shouldn't have asked him here, if I wasn't to 
fall in love with him. It's done now. and [energetically'] I am bound to 
have him, coute que coute. 

Wash. That's right— go it Rose! Freeze fast to him. 
[Rose, still endeavoring to pacify Mrs. T., converses apart with her. 
Washington comes down slowly, and goes to his father, l., and 
offers his hand. 
Wash. I say, governor — [With mock gravity.] — I forgive you — let's 
shake hands and call it square. I'm magnanimous. 

Ten-per-cent. [Enraged,.] You young rascal ! I'll break every bone 
in your skin ! How dare you 1 

Wash. Now, governor, don't get in a passion. Keep easy. [Seizes 
Mr. T.'s hand and shakes it heartily.] There — it's all right. Take a 
drink. 

Ten-per-cent. Clear out, you youn<j blackguard ! Clear out, before I 
break ycur head. [Sits l. of l. table. 

Wash. Don't let your angry passions rise. Don't you remember 
what you used to tell me 1 — Your little hands, &c. Come with me, 
and I'll tell you all about it. [Takes his arm — they go up l.] Greatest 
thing you ever heard of, I assure you. 

Mrs. T. and Rose come down, r. 

Rose. (r. c.) [Pathetically.] My dear mother, I appeal to you for for- 
giveness. [Takes her hand ] You have been too kind to me. You have 
indulged nie in my every wish. In tins matter, the great business of 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 21 

my life, I was wrong not to consult you, but I was carried away by my 
impulses, and driven to desperation by the odious attentions of that 
ugly Crawl. I could not bear the sight of him ! 

Mrs. T. [Sits, and turns from Rose.] Mr. Crawl is a very nice per- 
son — rich, and goes into the best society. You should not speak in 
that manner of him. It is highly improper. 

Rose, {earnestly.'] Mother, do not speak to me in that way. You 
were young like me, once 

Mrs. 7\ [indignantly.] Child ! 

Rose, [apologetically.] That is — I mean, you fell in love once. 

Mrs. T. Not that I remember. I was a well-bred woman, and they 
do not fall into anything. I had no money, and I suffered your father, 
because he had some. 

Rose, [aside, c] I see that I shall not turn this stony heart by pa- 
thos, [aloud.] Mother ! listen to what I say. We can and will exist, 
even in the shadow of your displeasure. I am a woman. I am eman- 
cipated from the condition of a frivolous coquette, or a fast watering- 
place belle. My position you may take from me — that's nothing. In 
this country, as I have heard, people do not inherit their positions — 
they make them. I have accomplishments — education — will. I shall 
turn them to account, and fight the battle of life for myself. 

Wash. (u. e.) Bravo, Rose ! I'm with you ! 

Mrs. T. [sarcastically.] Child !. do you know what this battle is that 
you talk so flippantly of! Do you know what poverty is 7 Do you 
know what it is to descend from luxury to comparative want? To feel, 
daily, the loss of things to which you have always been accustomed — to 
ponder upon every dollar that you expend — to dress out of the fashion 
— to be out of the world — to wear one bonnet a whole year 1 

Rose, [aside ] That is a terrible hardship. [Aloud.] Yes, I know 
it all. I am prepared for it all. I will suffer it all. 

Mrs. T. [coaxingly, going c] Come, Rose, this is but a passing 
fancy — give up this man. 

Rose. Never ! He's my husband ! Good or bad — sink or swim — 
fair weather or foul — riches or poverty — money or no money — I will 
never desert him ! 

Mrs. T. goes to r. 

Wash. (u. e.) Bravo, Rose! I wonder if there are any more young 
women about town, who are open for a small matrimonial game of 
pool 1 

Mrs. T. Give him up. Your father shall buy him off with some- 
thing handsome — say a thousand dollars — and we wont say anything 
more about Crawl. Do — there's a good girl. [Kisses her. 

Wash. That's a compromise — but, like some of the political bargains, 
I'm afraid it won't work very well. 

Rose. Mother ! you've had my answer. I am his wife — T love him. 
Do you understand that \ I love him — love — love — LOVE him ! 

[Goes up c. 
Mrs. T. [aside.] What spirit she has ! [aloud.] We shall see. 

[To Rose. 



22 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Wash. [To Rose.] No result, eh? 

Hose. [Sadly.] None! 

Wash. Well, keep up, sis — I'll take a walk down Broadway, and 
look at the young women. Great fun, that — they like it. Good bye, 
governor — no hard feelings, I hope. If you've any communications for 
me, you can address me at the club. And about the cheque — make it 
payable to bearer. I may have to turn it into chips. [Crosses slowly to 
R.] Good bye, mother. Au rcvoir, Rose — you're a brick. [Exit r. 

Ten-per-cent. [Getting up to Rose.] Are you prepared to give up this 
man 1 

Rose. Never ! 

Ten-per-cent. Then not a cent of my money shall he have. We'll see 
how long it'll be before he'll shirk a wife who's of no earthly use ; 
and worse than all, hasn't a second 

Mrs. T. Sir! 

Ten-per-ccnt. Cent in the world. As for Wash., I'll pack him off on 
a Canton voyage, before the mast. See how he'll like that. No chance 
for billiards there. [Chuckles.] And for clubs, he'll get a rope's end. 

Rose. Father, you will pursue your own course — allow me to take 
mine. [Goes up. 

Enter Jane, l. — gives note to Ten-per-cent, and exits. 

Ten-per-cent. [Reading note.] Ah ! Crawl's fist ! [To Rose.] Stop a 

moment. [To Mrs. T.] Come here — it's all right. Rose, come to your 

old father's arms. Oh, be joyful ! — ha! ha! ha! I thought so — just 
like these foreign vagabonds — ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Mrs. T. [Taking letter.] Precisely — yes; but what fools he has 
made of us. 

Rose. [Joyfully] And do you forgive us 1 

\irs V T~ Cent \ YeS ' \- Gaib Jl [ RosE embraces them both. 

Rose. [With emotion.] This is almost too good news to be true. 

[Kisses her mother.] I'll run and get Skib. I left him in the carriage. 

Oh, how glad he'll be ! [Exit, running, r. d. f. 

Enter Crawl, r. 

Crawl. Well, are you satisfied ? 

Mrs. T. Oh, how much we are indebted to you ! 

Ten-per-cent. Yes, old fellow — call on me for anything you like. 

Crawl, [r., mock humility.] My reward is not of the earth" earthy. 
My highest satisfaction was to preserve yonder fair maiden from 
the clutches of the destroyer. 

Enter Rose, l. — she is much agitated. 

Rose. [Coming down, c] He's not there. He promised, faithfully, 
not to go until he saw me. There's something wrong. [Turns — sees 
Crawl.] Ah! this is your work ! [Shudders, and is falling — Crawl 
supports her — she waves him back with disgust.] Mother ! tell me what 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 



2a 



it is. [Looks earnestly in their faces — then at Crawl.] Mother! Mother! 
save me from that man ! [Faints in Mrs. T.'s arms. 

Crawl, (c.) She's mine ! 



END OF ACT II. 



ACT III. 



Scene I. — Editorial rooms of the Scorcher ; plain room ; maps and files 
of newspapers on flat, r. ; a writing-desk, covered ivith newspapers ; 
baskets for waste paper. Over the desk a sign, inscribed — " Don't speak 
to the man at the wheel." 

Nut. [Discovered at desk, holding up manuscript.] Then I think 
that'll do. Yes — [Reads.] lovely young lady — accustomed to the best 
society — circumstances oblige her to make use of talent intended for 
drawing-room, for entertainment of public — native talent — had the 
pleasure of hearing her in private — splendid organ, goes up to double 
X flat, and could go another X if she tried — great shake, trills like a 
running brook — America should be proud of her ; yes, that's pretty 
strong, but it's necessary to go it rather powerfully, now-a-days, to at- 
tract any attention. New York is like a stupid child, it takes no notice 
of anything but sugar plums and bass drums. 

Enter Froth, l. 

Mr. Froth, how are you 1 Where have you been this age ? 

Froth Don't you know 1 Went out West with the tremendous 
American actress, Miss Pauline De Vernon, cidevant Jenkins. Went 
to Albany, Chicago, Buffalo, and lots of high old places. De Vernon 
is a great card for circus business — rolls herself up in the American 
flag, and all that sort of thing. I believe she would have stood on her 
head, if it hadn't been against the law. When she dies, tumbles all 
over the stage ; sometimes dies five or six times. Immense creature, 
but she didn't pay. 

Nut. Why % didn't you do all your infallible dodges 1 

Froth. Yes, everything; had long extracts out of the New York 
papers — advertising columns — asked all the country editors to drink, 
and the cleanest of them to dinner ; illuminated the theatre on the 
benefit night ; set off twenty shillings worth of rockets ; got up a ro- 
mantic story about her early history and trials (she ought to be tried 
for getting people's money on false pretences) ; had the same set of 
diamonds, (California ones," from the original Jacobs), presented to her 
in seven cities, by seven different public spirited citizens ; serenaded by 
six amateur brass bands ; twelve four shilling boquets every night ; 
two complimentary benefits, tendered by the Mayor and principal nobs 
of each one horse town, every week — but it wasn't a go. 

Nut. [Laughing, r.] No 1 why not 1 If there's any virtue in hum- 
bug, all that ought to succeed. 

Froth, (l.) There is virtue in humbug, my boy, but you must have 
something to work on. That French joker, who made fifteen different 



24 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

kinds of soup out of an old boot, had to have the boot to do it with. 
We *• busted," simply because the Vernon, nee Jenkins, though a very 
neat washerwoman, hadn't tbe slightest talent for the stage. I couldn't 
make the soup, because I didn't have tbe boot. 

Nut. So, the Napoleon of blowers was beaten, for once 1 

Froth. Yes. Ten years ago I could have succeeded, boot or no 
boot, but Pauline was too bad for this enlightened age. One night, in a 
speech I had written for her, which she spoke after being called out by 
two stage carpenters, sent into the boxes for that purpose — she said it 
was the proudest " ery " in her life. I tell you what it is, Nutgalls, 
this star business is about played out. People see to much good acting 
in New York Stock companies, and they won't stand it. We agents 
can sometimes fool the press — these country editors are so good natured 
— but the vox populi do not rush in large masses, and insist upon 
chucking their half dollars into the treasurer's paw. Pve done with it. 

Nut. Done with it } Why, I thought it paid splendidly. 

Froth. No, not now. Some of the musical agents make a good bit 
of money, by swindling people on books of the opera, and games of that 
sort, but it isn't much better than stealing. But you sent for me. 

Nut. Yes. Pve got a singular proposition to make to you. I want 
you to do a good action from disinterested motives. 

Froth. That is rather a pastoral idea. However, out with it. — Drive 
on your cart. 

Nut. (r.) Well, it is about our little friend, Rose Ten-per-cent that 
was — Madame la Oomtesse de Skibberini that is. She'd a great deal 
better be a laundress, than a countess, for she has to earn her own 
living, and it is not precisely en regie for a countess to do that. 

Froth, (l.) Oh, yes. I remember. Married that tenor who cut out 
our sweet, pious friend, Crawl. 

Nut. The same. And the same sweet Crawl bullied and bought off 
Skibberini ; first by cutting him out of his engagement at the opera — 
second, by offering him ten thousand dollars of old Ten-per-cent's 
money to leave the country — third, by persuading him that he was liable 
to criminal prosecution for abducting the girl. They played the old 
game on him — rung in a broken down policeman to bully the tenor, who 
immediately left the country. 

Froth. That's a nice business. — But what did they expect to gain 
by it I 

Nut They expected that Rose would not find out the trick, and that 
she would, after a time, consent to a divorce, in some other state — 
Connecticut for instance : where a lady can get rid of her husband by 
act of the legislature, for about ten dollars, and for next to no cause at 
all — but Wash, run across the policeman in some of his nice haunts, 
and found out the whole affair. 

Froth. Then there must have been a nice row. 

Nut. You'd better believe so. It ended by the decamping of Rose 
from the Chateau de Ten-per-cent, baggage, poodle, bijouterie and all. 
Wash stuck to her like a brick, and so did that queer little, geological 
cousin of theirs, from Boston ; they are all living together, across town, 
and — well — you must see for yourself. It is a great party. 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 25 

Froth. I should think so. But what do you want me to do? 

Nut. Well, you know that Rose has got a splendid voice, and has the 
far best musical education. I've heard her sing quite as well as any of 
the Italians, and if we must have opera music, which I consider an 
immense humbug, why shouldn't we have it, like the pies in the cheap 
eating houses, home made ? 

Froth. Ah ! I see. You think there's a splendid chance for Madame 
la Comtesse to give a concert, and make some loose change. Yes — 
romance — Fifth Avenue — love match — unfortunate — it will do. I'll go 
in with all my heart, I won't charge her a cent, and I won't steal a 
penny of the receipts. 

Nut. Bravo ! what splendid magnaminity. 

Froth. You'd think so, if you know as much about musical agents 
as I do. But let us go and see her. 

Nut. That's a brilliant idea. I'll be with you in a moment. [Speak- 
ing off e.] Mr. Jones — I am going out and will not be back till this 
evening. Be good enough to ask Mr. Smith to pitch into the street 
inspector — Broadway is in an awful condition. Send a reporter up 
to Dead Eye Creek, to see about that railroad accident — tell him he 
needn't spread on it much, as there were only twenty emigrants killed, 
and these things are so frequent as to be common-place — ask Mr. 
Jenkins to look up the facts about that shooting affray in Cherry street, 
last night, and tell him to ask, in his article, why it was not on the re- 
turn of the Captain of Police — and if the scoundrel is to go unpunished, 
because he is a small potato politician? — look over those Kansas letters, 
carefully, they are lying awfully on both sides, out there, now — tell 
Brown not to forget the new play at Laura Keene's to-night, and not to 
be any more meat-axy than is actually necessary, the author is one of 
us, — tell old Beeswax to write up Governor Popkins' obituary — he's got 
paralysis very bad, and may pop off at any moment, and if that woman 
comes in that wants to advertise her child lost, for nothing, tell her, we 
don't indulge in luxuries of that kind ; but give her five dollars, and a 
notice under the city news head — and if that old snuffy book-puffer, and 
retailer of other men's antique jokes, comes in, tell him that if he wiil 
do me the honor to call on me to-morrow morning, I will do myself the 
honor of kicking him down stairs — and — and I think that '11 do. Good 
morning, Mr. Jones. Now we'll go forth upon our mission. 

Froth. Allons I let us on to victory. [Exeunt l. h. 

Change of scene. 

Scene II. — Interior of Apartments in a tenant house. Scene should he 
closed in with doors in Flat, k., and. l., Practicable fireplace r., neat, 
but cheap Furniture. Boquet on table where Rose is seated at a sew- 
ing machine, c, Wash at another table writing, l., Cerulia at fire- 
place, surrounded by cooking utensils. A Canary Bird in cage, table c„ 
Sewing Machine, r. c. 

Rose. [Gaily, c] I say, Wash, this isn't the Fifth Avenue, exactly, 
but it's very nice, isn't it ? 

Wash, (l.) Yes, splendid, never enjoyed anything so much in all my 
life. How are you getting on, Rule'] 



26 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Cerulia. [Reading from book.~\ Split him down the back, broil him 
over a hot fire, serve with butter. 

Rose. [Laughing.] Still abstracted, Rule ! 

Cerulia. If I wasn't abstracted, I think your dinner would be. You 
used to laugh at me for my devotion to scientific pursuits, but they save 
us a great deal of money. I didn't read the Chemistry of Common 
Life for nothing. 

Wash. That's so ! Your beefsteaks would do credit to the artist of 
the Union Club ; and for chicken fixins, Delmonico himself couldn't 
beat you. Then your bills are not quite so heavy as Ciro's. 

Rose. I really don't know what we should do without you. 

[Crosses and shakes hands with her. 

Cerulia. Nonsense ! [ Wipes her eyes with apron. 

Wash. Wouldn't it be queer if anybody should call on us? What a 
row my bootmaker and tailor will kick up with the old man. He must 
pay 'em, though — nice old boy, sorry he wouldn't listen to reason ; but 
really, he was so outrageous, that I think seriously of cutting him alto- 
gether. 

Rose. [Laughing.] I am afraid you're a bad boy yet. How does the 
story come on 1 

Wash. You shall hear. You know, in last week's Smasher — circu- 
lation five hundred thousand, and a hundred guns for every extra thou- 
sand — the heroine, Anastasia Sophronia, had been induced by an ano- 
nymous letter, to meet her lover, Charles Henry Augustus, under the 
umbrageous shadow of an ancestral oak, near her father's castle ; and 
the story left off when she was putting on her Goodyear's India Rubber 
overshoes, (I expect he'll give me a water-proof overcoat for ringing in 
his name,) the night being rainy, to go out. She repaired to the fatal 
spot, her heart beating with joy at the near prospect of meeting Charles 
Henry Augustus, who, fond youth, was gaily mingling in the dissipa- 
tions of a fashionable watering place, (pitching pennies at Hoboken,) 
little thinking of the fair girl who ran the risk of bronchitis, (might have 
been cured by Dose-'em-all's Pulmonic Syrup — one dollar a bottle — six 
bottles for five dollars, sold by all respectable druggists) — get five for 
that sure, for his sake. As she came to the try sting-place, her eyes 
fell not upon the graceful form of Charles Henry Augustus, but upon 
the sombre and forbidding countenance of Count Jerkemoff. (that's 
the villain, you know,) who, enwrapped in a large black cloak, which 
entirely hid his face — 

Rose. How could her eyes fall upon his sombre countenance, then : 

Cerulia. Yes, tell us that. 

Wash. Listen — entirely hid his face — save when it was momentarily 
blown aside by the fierce gusts of wind which swept down the avenue. 

x° 8e ;. I Oh! Oh! 
Cerulia. S 

Wash. And anon gave glimpses of the harvest moon. He seized her 

in his arms. She screamed "Augustus !" — Ah! false one, where wast 

thou then] Filling the flowing bowl, (drinking a soda cocktail at the 

Otto Cottage,) and with thy gay companions, (two policemen in plain 

clothes,) disporting, while thy beloved mistress was in peril of her life, 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 27 

health, and lungs! De Jcrkemoff, with a fiendish yell, clasped her 
in his arms, she drew her faithful revolver, (Colt's improved, particu- 
larly recommended to members of Congress,) and put four barrels 
through his head. 

Hose. Four what? 

Wash. Ah! bullets — yes, put four bullets through his head. He 
staggered for a moment, and shrunk back — 

Rose. I should think so. 

Ccrulia. It is impossible ! There is no case in the books where a 
man was not instantly killed by that number of gunshot wounds. 

Wash. Never mind — I'm not writing a medical work, besides that, 
revolvers have been introduced since the books were written. He stag- 
gered for a moment, and shrunk back, but immediately recovered him- 
self and pursued the maiden. Turning, she fired the other two balls 
straight through his craven heart ! 

Hose. Good gracious ! 

Wash. He still pursued her! She was light and agile. Ah! the 
old oak. She swung herself quickly into its branches. On came De 
Jerkemoff. 

Hose. What, with all his bullets 1 

Wash. Yes ; she ran rapidly from branch to branch, till she reached 
the topmost crown of the noble monarch of the forest. Still the villain 
pursued her. Making use of the highly original remark : " My life you 
may have, but mine honor never," she ran to the end of the limb, and 
seizing it with both hands, swung herself off — and so remained, sus- 
pended in illimitable space 

Hose. Well, what then 1 

Wash. To be continued in our next. 

Cerulia. Did the attraction of gravitation overcome the attraction of 
cohesion, and bring her suddenly and forcibly to the earth, according to 
the laws of natural philosophy 1 

Wash. Well, the readers of the ' Smasher' will have to wait till 
next week to find that out. I havn't exactly made up my mind what 
to do with her. As to the laws of natural philosophy, they have 
nothing to do with cheap novels. They are neither natural nor philo- 
sophical. [Knock at Door in Flat, r. 

Hose. Come in. 

Enter Froth and Nutgalls, r. h. d. f. 

Nut. [l. c] Your servant, ladies. [Shakes hand with them and with 
Wash.] Wash., old boy, how are you ? 

Wash, [l.] Gay, sir ; gay as a robin, balancing himself on the edge 
of a tulip. 

Hose. Mr. Nutgalls, I am heartily glad to see you. Mr. Froth, its a 
lonor time since I had the pleasure to meet you. 

Froth, [r.] Yes, madam ; but I am the only loser. I have been re- 
galing myself with a view of one of our Western cities. Great monu- 
ments of American enterprise and go-ahead-ativeness they are too. 
Ah ! my scientific friend, [To Cerulia.] as hard a student as ever, I 
presume. 



28 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Cernlia. Yes. By the way, Mr. Froth, did you hear anything of 
some new geological discoveries, in Indiana ? 

Froth. No. I went after rocks, however, but I didn't get any. 

Wash. [Aside.] He stole that out of the " Picayune." 

Rose. Gentlemen, be good enough to be seated. I believe there are 
chairs enough. 

[They all return to their avocations, as before. Rose and Nutgalls, c. 
Froth flirting aside with Cerulia. and attempting to assist her in 
her culinary operations ; Wash, writing. 

Rose. Well, Mr. Nutgalls, how do you like our quarters ? 

Nut. They are not at all bad — in fact, they are much more comfort- 
able than mine, up sixteen nights of stairs in a fashionable hotel, with 
no attendance — and four skirmishes per diem to get anything to eat. 
How did you happen to find them I 

Rose. Well, we tried everything. First, we had lodgings in an ex- 
ceedingly select private family, with all the modern improvements. 

Wash. References exchanged, 

Nut. And a pious family 1 

Rose. Oh, yes ; the prayers were much better than the dinners. The 
table service was great ; the knives and forks were like old soldiers, 
who had served in several campaigns, under different generals, and had 
no sympathy with each other. On state occasions, there were stiff 
table napkins, about big enough for a baby's pocket handkerchief. As 
to the modern improvements — the gas was always cut off at eleven 
o'clock, about the only time Wash, wanted it, and altogether we had to 
pay a great deal for being made miserably uncomfortable. Then Wash, 
tried advertising again, 

Wask. Yes ; did this dodge. [Reads.] " "Wanted. — Board, by a 
respectable young man, eighteen years of age, in a strictly private 
family, the female portion of which can inculcate and instil into his 
mind moral principles and precepts. Such only need address A. E. B. 
S. X. Y. Z., Herald Office, within three days." 

Nut. [Laughing.] That certainly ought to have succeeded. 

Rose. The number of communications that we received from strictly 
private families was enormous, inducing us to believe that the popula- 
tion of New York was divided into two classes, — people who take 
boarders and people who board. But we soon found that there was no 
middle ground for us. We were out of society, — and as society had 
generally cut us, we resolved to treat society with the most profound 
contempt. 

Nut. Bravo ! The fashionable world is a queer institution. They 
have brought style down to the smallest particulars lately. The other 
day I employed an artist in the dog line, to perform a surgical opera- 
tion on a terrier, when he gravely informed me that it wasn't the style 
to cut off terriers' tails, now-a-days. So I complied with the dictates 
of fashion, and Joe's organ of recognition remains unmutiiated. 

Wash. So wags the world. 

Rose. So we concluded to set up an establishment of our own ; and 
such a time we had in finding a place to lay cur heads, you can't ima- 
gine. So, after all sorts of adventures, we happened to hit upon this 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 29 

place, which was built by some benevolent individual, who evidently had 
our case in his eye. 

Nut. More likely he had twelve per cent, per annum in his eye. 

Rose. We have a whole floor — four rooms, with everything conve- 
nient ; and nothing annoys us. I havn't the slightest idea who our 
neighbors are, but I believe that Wash, has struck up a flirtation with a 
French blanchisseu.se, up stairs. 

Wash. Entirely platonic, your honor. The young woman was struck 
with my magnificent ensemble. 

Rose. Well, we are very comfortable, and each is happy, in the seve- 
ral departments of labor. We have a sort of " light of other days" old 
lady, who does the heavy work, and Rule gets us up the most magnifi- 
cent dinners from the very smallest materials. 

Nut. [Pointing to sewing -machine. ~\ But what do you do with that 1 

Rose. That is a great invention, and the name of Singer, it's inventor, 
is a credit to his country — fit to be mentioned with Morse, McCormick, 
Steers, Hoe, Hobbs, and other Americans, whose victories in the arts 
of peace are quite as great as the achievements of their revolutionary 
sires. It is a great invention, and gains us ten dollars a week. Wash, 
writes for the Sunday papers, and they pay him very well ; and Rule 
foolishly sticks to us, though she has a nice house in Boston. 

Cerulia. Oh ! there's no particular merit in that ; I like it. It's a 
new development of one of my theories. Rose has been assayed in the 
retort of adversity, and has come out pure gold. I like her much better 
than in Madison Avenue. 

Rose. [Deeply affected.'] I believe I am changed for the better. 

Nut. [Aside with energy.] Now, if I had a daughter like that, I'd for- 
give her for anything. (To Rose.] Have all your old friends cut you 1 

Rose. Oh, no. Not quite. Human nature and fashionable society 
are neither quite so bad as some, who don't know anything about them, 
try to make them out. No, those I love best still adhere to me, and have 
offered me assistance. 

Wash. Which we wouldn't accept — and I must say that the fellows 
at the club behaved in the handsomest manner to me. 

Nut. That's pleasant. [To Rose.] You ought to come out as an au- 
thoress. 

Rose. No ! I've been too much disgusted with the namby-pamby 
female literature of the day. With an occasional exception, our author- 
esses either write silly platitudes, abolition harangues, or disgusting 
personalities. 

Nut. Too true ! They are immense nuisances, and ought to be sup- 
pressed by act of Congress. But have you thought further on the sub- 
ject I mentioned the other day ! 

Rose. Oh, yes. I go every day to my old music master, who is very 
kind; but I'm almost afraid — [ fear a failure. 

Nut. Oh, don't be alarmed. The public is generous enough — too 
generous at times. No, you mustn't be afraid. We must give the con- 
cert ; appeal directly to the public. Who ever knew our people to re- 
fuse to support beauty and genius in distress 1 



SO YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Rose. I do not fear the public. But, then, the press — won't they cut 
me up awfully 1 

Froth. [Coming down.] Oh. bless your heart, no. They are the nicest 
people in the world and the most gallant. 

Nut. [Laughing.] Froth is good authority. He manages the press. 

Froth. Now, old fellow, let me up, please. I tell that to some of 
these foreigners, sometimes, but every sensible man knows there is no 
such thing as managing the New York press — that is. the important 
papers. What they do they do freely ; but as to buying or bullying 
them, it is out of the question. There are some dirty fellows, who 
hang about Nassau and Spruce streets, — have no real connection with 
any paper — but get a job for charity sometimes, as one would throw a 
bone to a vagabond dog — who bully artists and others out of small 
sums, and thereby sometimes bring an honorable profession into disre- 
pute, but your true journalist feels for them only the bitterest con- 
tempt. 

Nut. Still, we are a tender-hearted race, particularly to petticoats — 
and I can safely promise you the aid of the press I have brought Mr. 
Froth here as your agent. Everybody must have an agent, you know. 
And I have engaged the Academy for to-morrow night. Through the 
quarrel between Max and the Directors, I have it for a small price, and 
[Showing poster,] here's the bill. 

ACADEMY OF MUSIC. 

GRAND LYRIC CONCERT. 

MADAME ROSE DE SKIBBERINI, 

ASSISTED BY SEVERAL EMINENT ARTISTS, 

Will have the honor to make her first appearance in a Grand Lykio 

Concert, at the Academy of Music, 

On Wednesday Evening next. 

E^ 3 Tickets, with reserved seats, one dollar each. To be had at Hall 
& Sons— Breusing's — and the Academy No reserved seats sold 
after five o'clock on the evening of the Concert. Particulars in future 
advertisement. 

Rose. Good gracious, Wash ! Rule 1 come here, and see how my 
name looks in large letters ; I'm afraid, however, that it will be a 
failure. 

Nut. Courage, ma petite ! Froth will do everything that is right. 

Froth. Yes, we must have a good lot of bouquets and a house full of 
people. I'll send a squad in, the same clique that they have for all the 
new artists, with stout canes and strong umbrellas. Are you particular 
about how many times you are called out ? 

Rose. Why, it is made a matter of business. I'd rather not have any 
clique. 

Froth. Oh, you must, they always do it. The fashionable people 
never applaud, and applause is positively necessary to a singer. 

Rost. [Stoutly ] No ; I won't have anything of the kind. If the 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 3] 

public applaud me, well and good — if not, I'll come back to my sewing- 
machine. 

Froth, (r.) Well, just as you please, but I must go now — I'm going 
to see your papa ; have you any message to the governor? 

Rose. [ With feeling j No, thank you, but I often think of all his 
former kindness, and regret that he was led away by that odious Crawl. 

Froth. There are some queer rumors in the street about him ; how- 
ever, I'll tell you more about that, by and bye. 

Wash. [To Fiioth.] I'll walk part of the way with you ; I'm going 
down to the Smasher office, to have my matter measured with a string, 
and receive my little dimes. 

[Wash changes his coat, he and Froth come down. 

Rose. Going, Mr. Froth 1 Let me see you again soon. And, Wash, 
be sure you're back at five — Rule has got a splendid piece of roast beef 
for dinner. 

Wash [Crosses to l.] Don't be alarmed, I'll be in for that, I have ail 
appetite now-a-days. Froth, labor has its advantages — [Crosses to R.J 
you ought to try it. 

Froth. Maybe I will, some day, just for a change. Au revoir, ladies. 

[Exit, with Wash, r. h. d. c. 

Rose. [To Nutgalls.] Will you remain and try the beef! I have a 
great many things to say to you ! 

Nut. (l.) And as I don't drop in upon a thing like this, every day, I 
accept your invitation with pleasure. 

Rose. Now, Rule, do your best — get up a feast for the gods. 



Scene III. (a. h.) — Room in Ten-per-cent's hoitse. 

Enter Ten-per-cent, hurriedly, reading a newspaper. 

Ten-pcr-cent. Going to have a concert, is she 1 Well, I never will 
forgive her, now. What an eternal disgrace — my daughter singing 
before every low fellow that can raise a dollar. I wonder what Mrs. T. 
will say to all this ! I miss Wash, and Rose very much, and would 
gladly have forgiven everything, but this is too much. [Savagely.'] 
They'll come to me on their knees, one of these days, and ask pardon, 
and then I'll turn them out of the house. [Softly.] No, I don't know 
that I'd do that, either. What an old fool I am, to be sure. Not a 
soul to speak to in the house ; dinner all alone. I wish somebody 
would come in, if it was only Froth. Jane ! Jane ! 

Enter Servant. — (Jane). 

Ten-pcr-cent. Jane — have the evening papers come 1 

Jane. Yes, sir ; here's the Mirror. 

[Giving him a newspaper. — Exit Jane. 

Ten-per-cent. " More Schuylerisms ! Wall Street was thrown into 
a fever of excitement this morning by rumors of heavy frauds in some of 
the Western railroad stocks. It seems that a financier, named C , 



32 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

distinguished for his piety, has been carrying on, for years, a tremen- 
dous amount of speculating in fancy stocks, and was employed as 
secretary for the Jacksonville and Dead Eye Creek Railroad, which 
stock he bulled up to 135. He then issued a large number of fraudu- 
lent shares." Good heaven ! that's where nearly all my whole fortune 
is invested ; but being bitten in some other speculations, he was not 
able to meet the second. The stock fell to 40 at the first board, and 
at the second, was offered at 25, with no takers. Ruined ! ruined ! It 
is also rumored that this scoundrel has forged notes-of-hand to a very 
large amount ; and it is stated that he sailed to-day in the Hermann, 
for Bremen. 

{Stage grows dark — Ten-per-cent sinks upon a chair, covering his 
face xoith his hand. 
Ten-per-cent. And this is the end. That smooth-faced hypocritical 
villain has robbed me of the affection of my children, and of the wealth 
I toiled so long to obtain. He will escape, too, through the negligence 
of our law makers, who imprison a man a year for stealing a loaf of 
bread, but allows a rascal who defrauds me of half a million of dollars 
to go unpunished, and live in luxury on the fruits of his crime ! Oh ! 
if I only had some one to speak to. My wife — she's a bad consoler, 
but better than none. [Calls.] Jane ! Jane ! 

Enter Jane. 
Where's your mistress 1 

Jane. Been out, sir, since morning. [Hands him note and exits. 

Ten-per-cent. Of course, she's out. 

Enter Froth, r. 

Froth. Good morning, sir. I have the official vote for Congress, in 
your district. Blowhard has beaten you, one hundred votes. Sorry, but 
couldn't help it. 

Ten-per-cent. This was only needed to cap the climax of my misfor- 
tunes. Froth, I am the most miserable of men. [Goes to Froth, places 
his hand on his shoulder, and looks in his face.'] Where are my children 
— my wife — Crawl — 

Enter Mrs. Ten-per-cent. 

Ten pcr-cent. [Sarcastically.] Madam. I am glad to see you, and sur- 
prised too ; you should have gone with your dear friend, my friend Mr. 
Crawl. 

Mrs. Ten. I have heard something in the street, tell me what is the 
matter. 

Froth. Simply, that Mr. Crawl has Schuylerized with nearly all of 
your husband's means. 

Ten-per-cent. And has escaped, the villain. 

Mrs. Ten. And is it all sure ! 

Ten-per-cent. I cannot tell. At any rate, it will be a serious inroad 
upon my fortune, and 

Mrs. Ten. And we must economise till we know the worst, and trim 
our sails to suit the gale. Count upon my aid, my husband. I am to 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 33 

some extent the cause of your misfortunes, I will do my duties as a true 
wife to alleviate them. 

Ten-per-cent. Thank Heaven ! This is the only really happy moment 
I've had since Rose left us. I have lost my means, but I have gained 
a wife. [Exeunt Mr. and Mrs. Ten-per-cent. 

Froth. She's an immense brick, that woman — splendid things these 
women are when a fellow is in a tight place. They are like ivy, the 
more you're ruined, the more they cling to you. Bravo ! Mrs. Ten-per- 
cent, you're an ornament to your species! [Looks at watch.] Five 
o'clock, I'll go and feed, and thereafter adorn my person, look up my 
friends with the stout umbrellas, and then, ho ! for the Academy. 

[Exit R. H. 



Scene Last. — Green Room of the Academy of Music — Door, right en- 
trance to the Stage — Piano covered with Music. 

Rose, Nutgalls, Wash, Froth, and Cerulia discovered. 

Nut. (l. c.) Well, Rose, there's a splendid house. 

Froth, (r.) Nearly all money, too. 

Wash, (l.) And lots of our old fellows there — it's very fashionable. 

Cerulia. There seems to be an upper stratum of democracy in the 
amphitheatre. 

Rose, (c ) I hope they are not Mr. Froth's friends with the stout 
umbrellas. Oh, dear ! I feel very much frightened. 

Nut. Keep up your courage, you needn't be afraid. They are so 
good natured that they are applauding the baritone, who can't sing a 
bit, and has no voice worth mentioning. 

Rose. Oh ! I'm not so much afraid of the people as I am of the critics. 

Froth, Why, my dear, you needn't be afraid of them. They are the 
best fellows in the world. 

Nut. Yes, indeed, they'll treat you handsomely. 

Rose. Yes, but then I'm not a great artist, and — and — 

Nut. Oh ! that's nothing, they will be kind. For my part, I would 
have every critic sworn as they do grand jurors. You shall pitch into 
no one for malice, hatred or revenge, and leave no one unpitched into 
for fear, favor, affection, or hope of reward But still they are only 
men, and men always mollify at the sight of a petticoat in distress. 
Vide the stage sailors. 

Froth. [To Rose.] Sky-hi-hi has finished the violin solo. I thought 
he never would get through — any one that plays the Carnival de Venise 
ought to have six years in Sing Sing, and — it's time for you to go on. 

Rose. Well, I'm all ready. Oh. dear ! I feel as if I was in a 
shower-bath, and going to pull the string. 

Nut. Well, pull the string then — there — run ! [Pushes Rose on 
Stage. — Great applause is heard ; they all crowd to wing. — Another 
round of applause. — Music."] There ! do you hear that 1 

[More applause. 

Froth. [Applauding.] Yes ; that's a splendid reception. Bravo ! 
little one 



34 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Enter Ten-per-cent, cautiously. 

But, who have we here 1 

Cornelia. [Looking at Ten-per-cent.] It's a fossil. Queer place for 
one, too. 

Nut. Not by any means — the directors are all fossils. [Going to 
Ten-per-cent.] Good evening, sir ; I did not really expect to see you 
here. 

Ten-per-cent. [sadly.] It's as astonishing to me as to you, — but I 
have been overtaken by sudden misfortunes and I am not the nian you 
knew yesterday. [More applause, during which 

Enter Rose, with Bouquets, r. 

Rose. Oh ! such a splendid reception — such nice people — applauded 
everything I did, good and bad. [sees her Father."] My dear father ! 
[Runs to him, and throws herself in his arms.] I've heard everything. 

Ten-per-cent. [r.] My dear child! — we are now all alone in the 
world. 

Rose. Not alone, father. You still have a wife and children, who 
have always loved you. You were the victim of a bold, bad man, who 
had no heart. I knew it. Women cannot be deceived in such mat- 
ters, when their hearts are not involved. But you will come to us, 
dear father, now — will you now, and live with us always 1 

Ten-per-cent. Can you forgive me 1 

Wash. [Coming down.] Forgive you ! Why, Governor, I told you 
a month ago, I bare no malice against you. There, [Shakes hands with 
Ten-per-cent.] that's what I offered to do long ago, but you wouldn't. 
Never mind, old fellow, it's all right now. [Goes up. 

Rose. It is I that should ask forgiveness for disobeying a parent's 
sacred commands — but I was confident that I was in the right ; and 
now, my dear father, my heart is so full, that I lack words to express 
myself. [Embracing him. 

Froth. [To Rose J Come, it is almost time for the "Ah! donH 
mingle," [To Ten-per-cent.] Excuse me, Sir, the public claims its 
Prima Donna. 

Ruse. [Going out, r.] Good bye, Pa. I'll return soon. 

[Exit to Stage. — Loud applause. 

Froth. Bravo ! that's splendid ! Go it, Umbrellas ! 

[All applaud, and all crowd to r. 

Enter Skibberini, r., going l. in great haste. 

Skib. Where is she ? Where's my wife 1 The victim of a foul con- 
spiracy, I was sent out of the country, away from all I loved — and I 
have not since known one happy hour. 

Nut. [Coming down.] Ah, my gentle tenor, — so, you are here, — you 
received my dispatch 1 

Skib. Yes. The moment I heard of my wife's misfortunes, I relin- 
quished all my engagements, — travelled night and day, — and here I 
am. 

Wash. [Coming down.] But the tin's all gone, old fellow. 



YOUNG NEW YORK. 35 

Skib; Never mind ! I'm glad of it. It gives me an opportunity to 
prove that I did not marry her for money. 

Ten-per-cent. [To Skibberini.J I have a thousand apologies for you, 
but don't know how to make them. [They talk aside. 

Froth. By Jove ! that's a splendid trill. That will be an encore, no 
doubt. [Loud, applause within. 

Enter Rose, very much exhausted. 

Rose. There, that's over, and I'm heartily glad of it. I've nothing 
to do now. till the end of the second part. [Goes to piano, and sits. 

Wash. Now, sis, you are all right, you sang like a bird, and every 
body is in exta'cies with you. One fellow says your scale is splendid, 
and I told him you carried extra weight on purpose. 

Hose. Thank you. Your musical criticism is quite as good as any. 

Froth. It's a splendid success. 

Nut. And I suppose there's nothing else in the world you want. 

Rose. One ! 

[Nutgalls comes down bringing Skib. Nutgalls takes her hand 
and puts it into that of Skib, and goes up softly. Rose turns on 
piano stool and sees Skib. 

Rose. My dear husband. [Attempts to rise, but falls into Skib's arms. 

Skib. Look up, dear Rose. We never will part again. Before I heard 
the truth in relation to you, I was in the interior of Germany, and 
under an engagement, but as soon as I could free myself from it, I did 
so, and have travelled night and day, impatient for this blissful moment. 

Rose. I never doubted your truth. It was my belief in you, that 
made me risk all, in giving to you my maiden heart ; it was my belief 
in you which has since supported me under the trials that have fallen 
to my lot. [They go up. Wash, and Cerulia come down. 

Wash. Well, Rule, have you considered my proposition with your 
usual profundity. 

Cerulia. Yes. I have applied a mental analysis of it, and — 

Wash. Are you in favor of a clinique 1 

Cerulia. Well, you've been a pretty good boy. — I think your primary 
formation is good — your devotion to your sister shows that, and they 
say a good brother makes a good husband. Still matrimony, viewed 
logically, is an absurdity, and — 

Wash. [Kissing her.} There, we'll hear the rest of that some other 
time. 

[Goes up with Cerulia. Skib, Rose, Froth, Nutgalls and Ten- 
Per-cent come down. 

Skib. To whom do we owe all this happiness 1 ? 

Rose. Chiefly to our good friend Mr. Nutgalls. 

Cerulia. Oh ! Mr. Nutgalls, you're an angel. 

Nvt. Thank you. That's the first time I was ever called an angel in 
my life. 

Froth. The simile is really not appropriate. 

Wash. No, he's not quite the idea for a conventional angel. 

Froth. It's time for the finale to Cinderella. [Si?igs. 

"Now with grief no longer bending." 



36 YOUNG NEW YORK. 

Hose. [Goes to wing ] All ready. 

Nut. [Goes to wing, and leads her to c] If they call you out, what 
will you say \ 

Ruse. You shall hear. [Coming down to lights'] Ladies and gentle- 
men — without the smallest particle of egotism, I ask you if you are sat- 
isfied with the career of Young New York, as typified by us 1 Do you 
approve of the step that I have taken, in coming before the public, and 
asking for the support it always generously accords to talent, in every 
department of art ? Will you sustain me ? Do you consider my debut 
a success 1 And shall I continue my artistic career] Thank you ! — 
And remember this — that it is only the test of adversity that brings out 
the latent virtues that are hidden in every heart. That genius is the 
gift of Heaven, bestowed upon no single class, and that the accomplish- 
ments and refinements called frivolous by those who envy their pos- 
sessors, may be turned to the best account in the hour of need. That 
the rich are not to be censured by the poor for being rich, nor the poor 
by the rich, for being poor ; but that every man and woman is to be 
tried by the standard of their acts alone ; and upon them is to stand or 
fall. How do you like Young New York ? [All applaud 

All. Bravo! 

[Nutgalls leads Rose to wing, — Applause — Quick Curtain. — Orches- 
tra Music, Finale to Cinderella. — End of piece. 

Position of Characters at the fall of the Curtain. 

Froth, Ten-Per-Cent., Skib., Rose, Wash., Cerulia, Nutgalls. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

EXITS AND ENTRANCES. 

L. means First Entrance, Left. R. First Entrance, Right. S. E. L. 
Second Entrance, Left. S. E. R. Second Entrance, Right. U. E. L. 
Upper Entrance, Left. U. E. R, Upper Entrance, Right. 0. Centre. 
L. C. Left of Centre R. C. Right of Centre. T. E. L' Third Entrance, 
Left. T. E. R. Third Entrance, Right. C. D. Centre .Door. D. R. 
Door Rtsht. D. L. Door Left. U. D. L. Upper Door, Left. U. D. R. 
Upper Door, Right. 

*% The Reader is supposed to be on the Stage, facing the Audience. 



LIBRARY OF C ^^,,,, 

« r\4C Q71 OQ7 9 



015 873 097 2 




